“Mamma Mia,” is Too Much Actually Too Much Or The Bare Minimum ?

A couple of weeks ago, my friend told me she was getting engaged. The first thing I blurted was: “Oh my God. How did he ask?” I wanted to know about everything that mattered: the flowers, the knee to the ground, the whole works. What she revealed instead: he didn’t really ask. They just knew they wanted to get married, so they started planning the logistics for both of their families to meet. 

I got mad.

What do you mean he didn’t ask? I told her I’d call her boyfriend and threaten to kill him. I did, and he didn’t take me very seriously. 

It’s not that I wasn’t happy for her; I was overjoyed to hear she was marrying the love of her life, but what about the glitter and the drama? I needed more. And that’s exactly what I received when I heard about Malak Yacoubi’s proposal. 

Malak’s boyfriend [now fiancé] Younes [name changed for privacy] planned his proposal for weeks and aligned it with his sister's wedding in Greece, so he could ask Malak to marry him on a mountaintop in the same village where his own grandparents had fallen in love.

Isn’t that SO cute already?

A few weeks before they travelled to Greece, Younes had his sister Lina [name changed for privacy] — a yoga instructor, and also Malak's close friend — set up a fake yoga class as cover so he could visit Malak's parents and ask for their blessing. In Greece, on the day of the actual proposal, Lina and her fiancé staged a photoshoot for their own upcoming wedding. Malak was the designated photographer, and Younes came for emotional and technical support like a good Golden Retriever boyfriend. 

Malak was taking a few pictures of the soon-to-be-married couple when Lina interrupted her: “Bon, on a suffisament de photos. C’est bon. C’est votre tour maintenant. [Look, we have enough pictures. We’re done. Your turn now.]" She took the camera away from Malak, who looked away for a brief moment, and as she turned around, Younes was proposing. “Ce fou, il s’est mis à genoux! [This mad man, he went down on one knee!]” she said like it wasn’t supposed to happen.

Her initial response even surprised her: “Non, non, non.” She couldn’t believe what had happened; she told me: “j’étais dans le déni complet” [I was in complete denial]. And yet, two days prior, right after she got a perfect French manicure, she pointed her hand towards him and declared, jokingly: “this would be the perfect week si tu veux me demander en mariage” [This would be the perfect week if you wanted to ask for my hand]. 

So why was her initial reaction “non”? She said she had all these ideas about the things that are "supposed" to happen before one gets married, and that she was also wary of being the connasse [the bitch] who celebrates her own engagement at someone else's wedding.

I got her point at first. Stealing away someone’s spotlight, you really don’t want to be that bitch. It’s giving Serena Van der Woodsen “everyone look at me.” But then I thought, why not? Lina had obviously pre-approved the plan, and a tiny village in Greece was the magical setup. Why not do it at the place where, two generations ago, two lovebirds took their own leap of faith, got married, had a son, who grew up, moved to Morocco, and had children of his own? And now, years later, that kid’s own children make it a point to go back to that special place to celebrate their love, Mamma-Mia style. That made perfect sense to me.

I don't know which is the “right” arrangement: the quiet one, where you feel so calm about your love that you don't see a need for theatrics? Or the one full of adrenaline, where you're ambushed by surprise, and your first instinct is to go "non, non, non" before landing on an excited ‘oui.’ Malak's ‘non’ was never indicative of doubt about Yannis; she knew she wanted to marry him. But for one second, the cautious part of her whispered: don't believe this, this is crazy. And it was crazy. Because (to me at least) that’s how a proposal is supposed to feel: grand, theatrical, and over-the-top? You can even propose with one of those strawberry candy rings; the diamond doesn’t matter (well, it does a little bit if you can afford it), but the way you ask is important. And if your girlfriend ever says she’s fine with quiet proposals… don’t believe her. She’s lying; she wants her Disney princess moment. It’s like stopping in front of a flower shop and asking, “Do you want flowers?” Duh, what do you think?